A new way of thinking.....

This week marks the 11th week of my pregnancy and I think there were a lot of changes in my attitude this week. This pregnancy was a surprise. We had debated about having a third for a while. We tried for a third baby for a while (nearly a year) without success. I was not willing to undergo fertility "help". We concluded it wasn't meant to be so we moved on. We changed our perspective and decided it was best to be a family of four. The boys were getting older and that meant we were able to things that families with babies couldn't do or at least not do as easily as we would be able to with older boys. So when we found out we were pregnant, it took a little while to adjust to the idea. Both of my other pregnancies were planned, some may say WAY too planned! So it was very different to me to have to rethink the last few months and second guess anything I may have eaten, drank, etc that would not be good for a pregnancy. I have been assured none of the things I could think of were going to harm the baby, but it was still odd to have to think about this. We found out I was pregnant on a Thursday night. I slept about 3 hours that night with all of the thoughts spinning through my head of how much our lives were going to change now. It started to sink in over the weekend and by Monday, I was starting to get a little more excited about the prospect of a new baby in the house. We had donated all of our baby clothes, maternity clothes and the majority of the baby gear as we thought a 3rd was not in the cards for us. So step one was going to be the question of what do we need. We have started making a list of what we need for baby gear and luckily we have some great friends who are offering to loan us some of their gear that will only be needed for the first few months or so. It makes it hard to justify a purchase for a lot of baby gear when you know it will only be used for a couple of months and you are definitely done with babies after this one.

I have started to warm up to the idea of a third and the timing is pretty good with the boys starting school soon after the baby is born. This will allow me to spend the day with the baby and spoil it completely without the boys getting jealous with all of the attention it is getting. Plus the timing is really great for work. I will be able to take off nearly 5 months with the baby before going back for tax season in January.

As my attitude for this pregnancy has started to come around, there were also fears of losing it and not being able to enjoy this new life. I had not worried about miscarriage in my past 2 pregnancies. Jason had always been worried in those pregnancies but I always knew they would "stick". Oddly, Jason was more secure with this pregnancy that he had been with the boys. Odd how we have flip flopped. With this one though it was on my mind almost constantly for a while. I am not sure if it is because we tried for so long and couldn't get pregnant and I thought I was "broken" or the fact that this one took me off guard and I just didn't 100% believe it yet. It didn't help that I was not showing any signs of pregnancy other than exhaustion. What mother isn't tired? I ended up taking a home pregnancy test each week for the first few weeks to see if I was still pregnant. I didn't have a dr appointment until I would be 9 weeks so it was a long 4 weeks from when I found out. I had doctor confirmation with the boys by 4 or 5 weeks so it was difficult to believe the positive tests at first.

We had our first dr appointment and saw our new bundle of joy on the screen waving and kicking away. It was a shock to see an image that looked like a baby rather than the blob we were expecting. This helped make it more real. There was definitely a baby in there and the bloating I had had over the holidays was not just extra cookies and other sweets! It was a baby!

It was real now. I have started accumulating maternity clothes and have worn them sparingly as I was having some fat days. That has changed this past week. I have started wearing maternity pants to work each day and of course some tops to cover the belly panel. My regular pants just were not worth the struggle to wear and worry if I could still get them buttoned by the end of the day when I had some perfectly comfortably elastic waisted pants available! I have really popped out this week and I think my brain has finally turned the corner this week. There is no denying that I really am pregnant and there IS a baby growing inside my growing belly. I can now say I am absolutely thrilled to be pregnant again and can't wait to meet this baby in August. I can picture our lives around the house with a baby around. I can picture family outings toting the baby around in the sling or the stroller. I am not ready to meet it quite yet though! I need to get a lot of things done before he or she makes an arrival. But I am looking forward to the summer and what the fall will bring with a new baby in the house.

The Grey family will change as we become a family of 5. We may change to a crazy household with 3 boys or a crazy household with 2 boys and a little princess. We will hopefully find that out in March. Honestly, I am indifferent because I can see advantages to having another boy or having that little girl. I can picture how sweet Aidan will be to the baby. He has always loved babies and I am sure he will be helpful in any way he can be. Carson has been mommy's little helper lately so I can picture him not really caring too much about holding the baby like Aidan will but he will be helping mommy whenever he can. He likes to help load and unload the washer and dryer so that will be helpful when the baby comes! He and Aidan have both offered to help change diapers so we'll see if they follow through with that messy job!

I guess I have babbled on long enough but I wanted to record my thoughts this week. It has been a week with many changes between the way my belly is popping out and the way I am viewing the new addition. I have started getting my energy back as I am nearing the end of the first trimester. I have been able to start working out again, which is a nice change. I am not running like I was before the pregnancy, but I am happily walking and doing some nice and boring prenatal yoga. I am hoping to keep up an exercise routine throughout this pregnancy. I definitely did not with either of the boys, but I was also in quite a routine before this pregnancy, so I am hoping that previous dedication helps. I was running 6-7 miles a few times a week, so I won't be doing that for a while, but I am hoping to get back to that after I recover from the delivery. I enjoy running because it gives me fresh air and me time, so hopefully this baby will allow me to get that back sooner than I took that time after the boys were born. As the boys have grown, I have realized it is actually better for them to lose an hour or so with their mommy a couple of times a week so I can go run and then have a happier, healthier mom than to have more quality time with a grumpy and unhealthy mom. So that is something I am keeping on my mind as a goal to keep up "me" time after this baby is born. I tend to isolate myself and the new baby and use any excuse I can to avoid doing anything for myself. So hopefully I can keep my eyes on the bigger picture with this one.